My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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