He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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