question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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