dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
