ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
