I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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