You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
