I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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