I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
