some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
