I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Randomize