Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
