Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
