You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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