Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize