how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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