sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
