hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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