The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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