I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
There was a lot of him and a little penis
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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