do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
