I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
