I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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