i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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