two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Operation Purity has been aborted
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
