Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
