He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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