Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize