He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
