dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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