If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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