She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize