I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
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