somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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