im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
