Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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