we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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