Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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