can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You dont lie about slip and slides
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
