Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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