where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
