wakey wakey hands off snakey
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
