I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
