can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Life is so much better after having sex.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
