her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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