we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Randomize