I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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