What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
