Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
