when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
