It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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