i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
