I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
