She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
