Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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