i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
