you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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