who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I need to calm my uterus...
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
