The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
