i can't believe i had my finger in that
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
