I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
