we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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