You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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