I love watching others lives come down to our level.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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