at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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