come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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