Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
