sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
